Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
