you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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