dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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