I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
