some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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