I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
