You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
