is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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