i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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