Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
