oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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