it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
