no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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