I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this just has baby written all over it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
