Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
