my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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