You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
