well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
