There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
