I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
