I hate your face
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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