Can Purell be used as lube?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
