he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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