btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
