it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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