So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
