he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
