So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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