alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
