You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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