i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
