can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
