He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
