Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
