So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
