he shaved USA in his pubs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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