Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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