You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
