y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fuck appropriateness.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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