In the future we'll all be gay
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
