We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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