we have officially lost it.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
