mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
