Umm I'm too high to move.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
