the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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