I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He better not be in your backpack
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
