I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
