I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
