This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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