Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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